You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
