You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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