I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
