my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
