Pappa wants mamma naked
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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