Buhtt sex?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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