I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
