Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
