I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
