I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize