After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
