problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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