cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
