you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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