its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize