That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
