So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
