Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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