your room smells of hookers.
And success
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
