Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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