I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
