yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
