Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
