He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
