apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
