Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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