So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
