Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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