i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
