i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
