apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
