i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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