i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
