Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
