Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
