oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize