weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
