So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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