Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
