It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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