DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
