It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
