her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
