I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
