Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
