He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
