i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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