Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize