WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
