Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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