You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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