Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
