at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
