Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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