i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
