when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
