: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You ruined the universe
Randomize
