If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
