two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
