Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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