You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
