Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
